Evergreen House - A Guide For Consequences

Consequences should be related - A negative consequence might be the loss of a positive consequence. The lost privilege should flow from preceding behavior. For example, a person might lose their privilege to go to the Mall for a month or two if they abuse this privilege by shoplifting there. A person might lose Saturday's evening activity by not coming home on time Friday night, or a positive consequence may be a later curfew for a special event if the person has observed the usual curfew. These are natural or logical consequence. Natural consequences often follow the " you abuse it, you lose it" formula.
Consequences should be reasonable- avoid imposing consequences when emotions are high. This tends to lead to excesses, both positive and negative.Consequences should be restorative whenever possible. The person should be allowed the opportunity to fix the mistake or amend the relationship.
Consequences should be achievable - some light at the end of the tunnel. For example, grounding a child for an extensive time leads to defeatism and affects the parents as much as the child.
Consequences should be enforceable. Do not impose punishments or promise rewards that are not within your power, ability or intention to complete.
Involve the child as much as possible in establishing the consequence. It is easier to enforce a negative consequence if the child has expressed a prior agreement or helped to create the consequence. In addition, this helps avoid a power struggle between parent and child. The struggle becomes an internal one for the child when faced with a choice between positive and negative behavior.
Consequences should be consistent - The consequence should be applied every time the behavior warrants it. An inconsistent application leads a person to continually test the limits. Furthermore, we teach what we allow. Parents need to apply consequences uniformly, especially when more than one parent is involved. This avoids the "divide and conquer" tactic that can pit one parent against the other. It also avoids one parent having to be the "heavy".
Consequences need to be clear - It is much easier to follow through, if the consequence is cooperatively established ahead of time. Each person understands the expectations. Having the key expectations in writing may reduce or eliminate arguments and ambiguity and aid in consistency.